Sorry, could you repeat that?!

Ok, I have gathered up all the little bits of paper that have been kicking around my room with quotes written on them and have presented them here for your entertainment:

Michael: I've got some working batteries - they just don't work.

Dave M: Who? Who? Who? Do I have to turn into an owl? Who!?
Michael: Twit.

Steve C: There's only 4 of my aunt.

Fish: I've found a lot of girls that are less feminist than me.

Fish: I'd better leave - I have an urge to tape bananas in unusual places.

Marie: Aw, we're not having sex on Monday?

Helen: Duck-squid monsters don't have fur - they have squid!

Marie: I don't like being massacred.

Tim C: Do I look like I'm wearing twins?

Dave Burton: Being a vicar is like being socially neutered.

Tim C: I think my cheekbones are starting to bleed.

Tim C: My banana is multifunctional.
Steve L-W: I wish mine was.

Michael: Oh, I was thinking wasn't I... I forgot!

Schoolchild in motorway services: Joe, stop biting each other.

And my personal favourites of this batch...

Chris F.: I've not been there here, although I have been there somewhere else.

Steve C: She was my best friend in Year 1, but I've never met her.

Dad: You could have ground the coffee, milked a cow and got goat's milk! (!?)